My Blood Type Is Espresso zombie coffee unisex organic cotton tee for the sleep-deprived

Description

Coffee isn’t just a drink. It’s reanimation fluid for the living dead.

Every morning, we shuffle out of bed like zombies. We stumble toward the coffee maker. We stare blankly while it brews. We clutch that first cup like it’s keeping us tethered to this mortal plane.

Because it is.

This zombie gets it. This zombie is us. The empty stare. The desperate grip. The drool. The complete lack of dignity until caffeine enters the system.

We’re all just zombies pretending to be human. And coffee is the spell that makes the illusion work.

Before coffee: Zombie. After coffee: Slightly more functional zombie.

This magnificently disheveled zombie understands something profound: coffee isn’t just a beverage, it’s a life force. It’s not flowing through their veins—it IS their veins. Blood type? O-negative? A-positive? Nah. Espresso.

Featuring a gloriously exhausted zombie clutching their espresso like it’s the last cup on Earth (because to them, it might as well be), this design captures the essence of every human before their morning coffee. The thousand-yard stare. The desperate grip. The drool. The sheer determination to achieve consciousness through caffeine alone.

Made from soft, sustainable organic cotton for maximum comfort while shuffling to the coffee maker, waiting for your double shot, explaining that you’re “not a morning person” for the 47th time, and generally existing in a pre-caffeinated state of undeath.

• 100% organic ring-spun cotton
• Fabric weight: 5.3 oz./yd.² (180 g/m²)
• Single jersey
• Medium fit
• Set-in sleeves
• 1 × 1 rib at collar
• Wide double-needle topstitch on the sleeves and bottom hems
• Self-fabric neck tape (inside, back of the neck)
• The fabric of this product holds certifications for its organic cotton content under GOTS (Global Organic Textile Standard) and OCS (Organic Content Standard)
• The fabric of this product is OEKO-TEX Standard 100 certified and PETA-Approved Vegan

COFFEE CONSUMPTION LEVELS:

0 cups: Actual zombie, cannot function, may bite
1 cup: Zombie with slight awareness, still dangerous
2 cups: Zombie achieving humanity, progress noted
3 cups: Approaching human status, use caution
4+ cups: Now we’re talking

This shirt represents cups 0-2. Peak zombie territory.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:

Q: Is this medically accurate? A: Our lawyers say no, but our hearts say yes.

Q: What if I drink other types of coffee, not just espresso? A: Replace “espresso” with your preferred caffeinated beverage. The zombie vibe remains accurate.

Q: Can I wear this if I’m a morning person? A: Technically yes, but morning people are a myth created by coffee companies.

Q: Will this shirt make me look as dead as I feel? A: No, but it will accurately represent your internal state.

Q: What if someone tries to talk to me while I’m wearing this? A: Point to the shirt. They’ll understand. If they don’t, they’re not your people.

Q: Is it normal to relate this much to a zombie? A: If you need coffee to function, yes. Welcome to the club. We have espresso.

Q: Can I return this if it’s too relatable? A: Yes, but why would you? Embrace your zombie truth.

Q: What’s the maximum number of coffees I should drink per day? A: We’re not doctors, but the zombie suggests “more.”

Disclaimer: This shirt does not contain actual espresso (we checked, unfortunately). Blood type remains unchanged by wearing this garment. We are not responsible for sudden cravings for coffee, identification with the undead, explaining to others that you’re “literally not human” before caffeine, or scaring small children with your pre-coffee appearance. Side effects include: honesty about caffeine addiction, solidarity with coffee zombies worldwide, and the acceptance that you’ll never be a morning person. Espresso not included. Zombie transformation not guaranteed but highly likely. May cause baristas to give you knowing looks. Wear while caffeinating for maximum accuracy.

The sizes correspond to a smaller size in the US market, so US customers should order a size up.

Produced and shipped using a global production and shipping company. They’re probably just around the corner from you!

This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!

Age restrictions: For adults
EU Warranty: 2 years
Other compliance information: Meets the EU REACH requirements.

In compliance with the General Product Safety Regulation (GPSR), Just Buy the Damn Shirt and SINDEN VENTURES LIMITED ensure that all consumer products offered are safe and meet EU standards. For any product safety related inquiries or concerns, please contact our EU representative at gpsr@sindenventures.com. You can also write to us at 99 King Street, MELBOURNE VIC 3000 or Markou Evgenikou 11, Mesa Geitonia, 4002, Limassol, Cyprus.