go away or i will subnet you unisex organic cotton tee

Description

The Most Polite Threat in IT

A warning. A promise. A networking-based threat that actually makes sense.
“Go away or I will subnet you” is the IT professional’s equivalent of “Don’t make me come over there.” It’s technical. It’s specific. It’s the kind of threat that makes other network engineers nod knowingly while everyone else looks confused.

Hilarious “Go Away Or I Will Subnet You” t-shirt for network engineers and IT professionals who’ve had enough. Perfect for sysadmins, network administrators, cybersecurity experts, and anyone who speaks fluent CIDR notation. Soft organic cotton unisex tee combining tech threats with networking humor. The ultimate IT boundary setter.

And that’s the beauty of it.

For those who don’t speak network: subnetting is the process of dividing a network into smaller, isolated segments. Essentially: “I will put you in your own little corner of the network where you can’t bother anyone else.”

It’s not aggressive. It’s administrative.

Made from soft, sustainable organic cotton for maximum comfort while configuring VLANs, dealing with ticket escalations, explaining why someone can’t have admin rights, and maintaining your boundaries (network and personal).

WHY THIS THREAT IS PERFECT:
It’s:

• Technical enough that only IT people get it immediately
• Specific enough to be funny
• Threatening enough to make your point
• Professional enough that you’re not technically being rude
• Accurate enough that you could actually do it
• Passive-aggressive enough to be satisfying

It’s the networking equivalent of saying “I will send you to timeout” but make it infrastructure.

THIS SHIRT IS FOR:
Network Engineers who:

Have actually subnet someone out of spite
Know their CIDR notation by heart
Have strong opinions about IPv6 adoption
Maintain network segmentation like it’s an art form
Use VLANs as punishment
Dream in IP addresses
Have been asked to “fix the Wi-Fi” one too many times
Consider network isolation a valid conflict resolution strategy

IT Professionals who:

Work in helpdesk/support and need boundaries
Have been interrupted during critical updates
Know that some users belong in their own isolated VLAN
Have muttered “I could just…” while troubleshooting
Maintain the network infrastructure and everyone’s sanity
Have had to explain subnetting to someone who didn’t want to learn
Consider RFC 1918 light bedtime reading
Use technical jargon as a defense mechanism

People who:

Speak fluent IP addressing
Have used network segmentation for good (and occasionally evil)
Believe in proper network architecture AND personal boundaries
Would absolutely follow through on this threat
Think isolation is sometimes the answer
Appreciate threats with technical precision
Know what /24, /16, and /8 mean without Googling

THE TECHNICAL BREAKDOWN:
What subnetting actually means:

Dividing a network into smaller subnetworks
Creating isolated network segments
Controlling traffic flow and access
Improving security through segmentation
Basically: “Go to network jail. Do not pass DHCP. Do not collect an IP address.”

In human terms:
“I will put you in your own little network corner where you can’t talk to anyone else or bother the rest of us.”
The threat level:

Not violent ✓
Technically feasible ✓
Would actually solve the problem ✓
Makes IT people laugh ✓
Confuses non-technical people ✓
Perfect ✓

TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS:

Material: 100% organic cotton (more reliable than your users’ passwords)
Fit: Unisex, suitable for all network topologies
Design: Bold text with clear networking threat
Durability: Survives more cycles than your average network configuration survives change requests
Comfort Level: Higher than your network uptime percentage (hopefully)
Threat Level: Medium-low (but effective)
CIDR Notation Accuracy: /32 (perfectly specific)
RFC Compliance: Questionable but acceptable

PAIRS WELL WITH:

A well-segmented network (obviously)
Strong boundary-setting skills
The ability to follow through on technical threats
Your network diagram that nobody else understands
A comprehensive VLAN strategy
Coffee (so much coffee)
The satisfaction of isolating problematic devices
Your collection of network cables organized by length
A firewall rule set that would make security auditors weep with joy
The knowledge that you absolutely could and would subnet someone

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:
Q: Have you actually subnet someone as punishment?
A: That would be unprofessional. winks in VLAN 666
Q: What does subnetting even mean?
A: If you have to ask, you might be the one getting subnetted.
Q: Is this an actual threat?
A: It’s a network administration action. Very different. Very professional.
Q: Can I wear this to work?
A: If your coworkers understand it, yes. If your boss understands it, definitely yes.
Q: What if someone asks what it means?
A: Explain it to them. Then subnet them for asking.
Q: Will this shirt improve my network?
A: No, but it might improve your peace and quiet, which improves your ability to manage the network.
Q: What’s the appropriate subnet mask for annoying users?
A: /32. One IP. Just them. Alone. Forever.
Q: Is this shirt approved by RFC standards?
A: There’s no RFC for shirt-based threats, but there should be.
Q: Can non-IT people wear this?
A: Sure, but they won’t get the satisfaction of knowing they could actually do it.

WARNING LABEL:
Side effects may include: increased respect from fellow IT professionals, confused looks from non-technical people, sudden desire to reorganize your entire network topology, explaining subnetting to people who don’t care, using technical jargon as emotional armor, and the overwhelming temptation to actually subnet people who annoy you.
May cause: Better personal boundaries, improved network segmentation practices, fewer interruptions during critical updates, colleagues giving you more space, and the reputation as “that network person who will actually do it.”
Caution: Wearing this shirt may result in people asking you to explain subnetting, which defeats the purpose of the threat. Consider having a pre-prepared “it means go away” response ready.

THE PHILOSOPHY:
Network segmentation is about security, performance, and organization. But it’s also about boundaries.
Sometimes the best solution to a problem is isolation. Not in a mean way. In a “for the good of the network and everyone’s sanity” way.
This shirt recognizes that truth. It embraces it. It weaponizes it in the most technical, specific, and satisfying way possible.
You’re not being rude. You’re being architectural.

This shirt? It’s your shield. Your warning. Your promise.
Respect the subnet. Or become the subnet.

REAL TALK:
Every IT professional has fantasized about this. Taking that one problem user, that one compromised device, that one executive who insists they need access to everything, and just… isolating them.
Their own little network island. Population: 1.
This shirt gives voice to that fantasy. It’s not violent. It’s not unprofessional. It’s just… administrative.
And honestly? Sometimes the most powerful threats are the ones that are technically feasible, professionally justifiable, and would absolutely work.
“Go away or I will subnet you” checks all three boxes.

THE BOTTOM LINE:
This shirt is for people who:

Understand network architecture
Appreciate technical precision in humor
Have the skills to follow through on this threat
Believe in boundaries (network and personal)
Know that sometimes isolation is the answer
Want to establish dominance through CIDR notation
Think subnet masks are a form of self-care

It’s nerdy. It’s specific. It’s technically accurate. It’s the perfect blend of threatening and professional.
Plus, it confuses non-technical people, which is honestly just a bonus feature.

Disclaimer: This shirt does not actually grant you permission to maliciously subnet users (though you probably already have that permission). Network segmentation should be used for legitimate security and performance reasons, not revenge (officially). We are not responsible for any actual subnetting performed while wearing this shirt. CIDR notation knowledge not included. May cause coworkers to give you a wider berth. Side effects include improved personal space and respect from fellow IT professionals. Wear responsibly.

• 100% organic ring-spun cotton
• Fabric weight: 5.3 oz./yd.² (180 g/m²)
• Single jersey
• Medium fit
• Set-in sleeves
• 1 × 1 rib at collar
• Wide double-needle topstitch on the sleeves and bottom hems
• Self-fabric neck tape (inside, back of the neck)
• The fabric of this product holds certifications for its organic cotton content under GOTS (Global Organic Textile Standard) and OCS (Organic Content Standard)
• The fabric of this product is OEKO-TEX Standard 100 certified and PETA-Approved Vegan

The sizes correspond to a smaller size in the US market, so US customers should order a size up.

Produced and shipped using a global production and shipping company. They’re probably just around the corner from you!

This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!

Age restrictions: For adults
EU Warranty: 2 years
Other compliance information: Meets the EU REACH requirements.

In compliance with the General Product Safety Regulation (GPSR), Just Buy the Damn Shirt and SINDEN VENTURES LIMITED ensure that all consumer products offered are safe and meet EU standards. For any product safety related inquiries or concerns, please contact our EU representative at gpsr@sindenventures.com. You can also write to us at 99 King Street, MELBOURNE VIC 3000 or Markou Evgenikou 11, Mesa Geitonia, 4002, Limassol, Cyprus.